Examples of how grief can become more complicated in the caregiving context

As part of our psychosocial services at the Groupe des aidants du Sud-Ouest (GASO), we frequently observe that grief can become more difficult if the caregiver is unable to find new ways to care for themselves and meet their needs in other ways.

Here are two fictitious examples to better understand what we mean when we talk about grief complexified by factors that only caregivers can experience.

Estelle’s example:
Estelle is passionate about yoga and even teaches classes. It helps her relax in her day-to-day life and allows her to connect with her body and with others. As her mother’s caregiving needs increasingly demand more support, she decides to stop teaching yoga and no longer practices it, because she doesn’t have the energy and lacks time. When her mother dies, Estelle realizes that she no longer has any ambitions, that she is grieving her mother as well as her role as a caregiver, in addition to grieving her job, which she had to set aside to devote her time to her mother.

She feels lost and no longer knows where to begin to find herself again as she was before caregiving. Estelle will need to take the time to revisit yoga, see whether this passion still inspires her, and perhaps even resume her classes over time if that passion is still there. Otherwise, if she gives herself the chance to try, she may discover a new hobby that inspires her and allows her to reconnect with herself.

Oliver’s example:
Oliver enjoyed travelling with his friends and his spouse. However, life took a different turn because of his spouse’s condition; Oliver withdrew from his friends and no longer travels. He must provide very complex care for his spouse, which takes all of his time.

After her death, he says he feels useless, because his life over the past 6 years was devoted to caring for his spouse. He no longer has the network of friends who supported him at the beginning of the illness and feels very alone and left to his own devices. He no longer recognizes himself and has difficulty seeing how he will get through his grief. Oliver is experiencing a more difficult grief, because he has not only lost his spouse, he has also lost his circle of friends and his passion for travelling; he will have to adapt to see whether he wants and can reconnect with them and with his passion for travelling.