Ways to manage guilt related to respite

Guilt can be an insidious feeling that arises during difficult events, such as choosing to take a break to care for oneself as a caregiver, regardless of the type of respite we implement.

😔 What is guilt?

Guilt is a complex emotion that emerges when we feel we have violated our code of values. For example, if we place great importance on the marriage duty; for better or for worse; and we are offered a few hours of respite to attend to other matters, we might feel a knot in our stomach and refuse help out of guilt for violating this significant value.

💭 What is its purpose?

Guilt drives us to act in alignment with our internalized values. For caregivers, it can be so strong that it prevents acting for oneself. Even when an action is taken despite it, discomfort persists, often felt as punishment for breaking one’s own rules, whether conscious or not.

⚖️ Is it always suitable, a reliable guide?

Guilt pertains to an emotional and subjective dimension that can sometimes overshadow reason. Therefore, it should not be the sole guide in decision-making, which must consider both emotional and rational aspects.

⚡ How does it gain its power?

Guilt intensifies when one acts only to avoid the discomfort it causes, without considering reality and the exhaustion that results from it. This cycle is difficult to break because a known situation, even unsatisfactory, is often preferred to a new but uncertain one.

🌀 Gradually breaking the cycle of guilt

To reclaim one's power, it is important to be gentle with oneself, as this complex feeling cannot disappear overnight. Thus, we invite you to explore common ground between the emotional dimension (the desire to avoid discomfort related to guilt) and the rational dimension (the facts; the benefits and relevance of respite).

First, when guilt arises, pay attention to what it asks you to do or not do. Note its presence and its discouraging nature. Then, invite yourself to broaden your perspective and include your needs; do you need to sleep, walk, recharge, or get help to see more clearly?

You might start by asking for 30 minutes of respite from a friend or neighbor to meet just one need and return to your responsibilities. Thus, you allow yourself to negotiate with guilt and your needs to take meaningful action despite the discomfort. Eventually, you can increase the respite time as needed.

Every time you feel guilt, remind yourself of the reasons why you accept and take this respite.