Celine's gentle journey into the unknown

In this interview conducted by the GASO team, Céline, one of our members, shares how love, fatigue, and resilience shape her daily life as a mother... and as a caregiver. Between walks in Montreal parks with her son and supporting her mother, who is dealing with memory loss and chronic pain, her testimony reminds us how simply being present can make all the difference.

1. Can you tell me a bit about yourself?
"I’m from British Columbia, and my husband and I have been living and working in Montreal for five years. We have a little boy who is 4 years old, and we try to be as active as possible with him: we do lots of activities with family and friends. Amazingly, all four of his grandparents decided to move to Montreal with us — we’re really lucky, they take turns spending time with him after daycare and on weekends. It’s wonderful to see him discover their passions, like ballet or fishing!

I really enjoy meeting people in the community, so it’s great to see that our network has grown since our son was born. I also love biking, exploring parks, and walking along the river near our home in LaSalle. It’s not the Pacific Ocean, but it’s still beautiful to watch the rapids, the birds, and especially the vibrant fall colors.

Living in Montreal is truly pleasant. Although we sometimes lack time, it allows me to see family more often whom we only saw occasionally before we moved. We love exploring charming neighborhoods and participating in the city’s cultural events. We’re real 'foodies', and we also love music — it’s an ideal city for us!"

2. What role does caregiving play in your life?
"For the past five years, my mother has been suffering from chronic pain caused by an infection, and more recently, she has begun experiencing memory issues. This has had a major impact on her life, as she was very active before: she walked a lot, saw her friends, and participated in community groups.

I try to support both my mother and my father in this reality, but it’s also challenging for me. These changes affect her mood, and since her pain limits her mobility, she and my father hardly ever go out for long walks anymore. Fortunately, spending time with our son brings them a lot of joy. 

My father has started noticing more changes in her memory. It took time and quite a bit of persuasion to get my mother to agree to schedule a doctor's appointment. Even today, it’s not always easy for her to understand or accept the importance of consulting her medical team — a fantastic team that now includes a nurse and a social worker. Every time she agrees to go, I feel real relief, especially when she tells me afterward that she’s glad she did.

I try to accompany them to appointments as much as possible, it helps my father too, and I can explain certain things to them if needed. Since we think we are still at the beginning of the cognitive decline, it’s not always clear whether she’s just forgotten something — as happens to everyone — or if it’s really a sign of memory loss. (She likes to joke when I forget things too!) After a series of memory tests, she was referred to a geriatrics specialist, who recommended further evaluations. We’re awaiting a follow-up to know whether she has a cognitive disorder or if it’s a normal form of age-related memory decline. "

3. What have you learned from your experience as a caregiver so far?
" I’ve learned to ask for help and to be more patient, both with my mother and with myself. Last winter and spring were particularly challenging: that’s when we saw the biggest changes, without really understanding what was happening or how to react. It was frustrating, I was overwhelmed. I was trying to be present and helpful, but I lacked patience and was exhausted between my caregiving responsibilities, being a mother, and my job.

Over time, I became aware that my mother is experiencing a lot of grief because of all this. Learning more about memory loss, knowing about the resources available within the healthcare network, and getting support — particularly from the nurse, the social worker, and now from GASO — really helped me develop more empathy, compassion, and patience.

I felt very anxious about her memory continuing to deteriorate, and I was afraid of what the exams would reveal. Then, I realized that no matter the diagnosis, the reality is that she has changed. My role is to be there, to show care, and to try to make the most of our time together. I also realized how important it is to take care of myself." 

4. What helps you on your caregiving journey?
"The social worker has been invaluable. She suggested support groups for my father and me, and now for my mother too. She tries to encourage her to participate in a day program or regular social and recreational activities. Our meetings, whether individually or together, have helped me a lot.

It took me a while to contact GASO, but luckily, I did. Talking with my coordinator Stéphanie and attending my first support group has already had a positive impact on my father and me. Sharing experiences with others facing similar challenges relieved me. It’s reassuring to feel less alone, and the people in the group shared lots of helpful advice.

It’s a bit frustrating to learn that some services are only accessible with a diagnosis, but I also understand this reality. I believe that all families begin to react at some point to a loved one's health changes, and that it evolves over time. What is essential is to seek support. For us, it changed everything." 

5. Has this experience transformed you?
" Yes. Even though I have always been present for my parents, this experience has allowed me to develop more empathy, more patience. Previously, it was difficult not to be frustrated when my mother didn’t remember things we had just discussed. Now, I see how aware she is of the changes. And that must be very distressing for her. She told me how frustrating it is to realize it. It’s hard for the whole family, but we go through it in waves. Sometimes it gets better, sometimes less. All this has helped us, my father and me, to better understand not only her reality but ours too.

I’ve also learned to react less to what irritates me, to let some things go, and to simply appreciate the good moments. "

6. What would you say to someone starting their caregiving journey?
" You’re not alone. Take care of yourself. You can’t do it all, especially not alone, so involve other family members if possible, and seek all the support you can from the healthcare network. Reach out to organizations like GASO. Talk to people who have been through it and ask what helped them.

And above all, even if you don’t always feel like you’re doing enough, just being there, staying present and caring, is already huge. And often, that’s the most important thing. "